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Stephen Colbert: ‘If We Put a Woman on the Dollar Bill, It’ll Only Be Worth 77 Cents’

On Thursday’s edition of The Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert discussed a young girl’s question to Obama about why there aren’t any women on money.

“Under Obama’s leadership, are you as rich as you’d like to be?” Colbert asked. “Because I know I could imagine me having more money. Now, just listen to the latest monetary policy the president is getting from his so-called economic advisors.”

Colbert played a clip of Obama discussing a young girl asking him why there weren’t any women on American currency, saying “that’s a pretty good idea.”

“A pretty good idea?” Colbert questioned. “Just look at our money! It took over 200 years for our currency to achieve the perfect balance of dead white guys and secret Illuminati symbols. Think of the consequences here! If we put a woman on the one-dollar bill, it’ll only be worth seventy-seven cents!”

“From a moral point of view,” Colbert continued, “if my wallet is filled with ladies, I can’t keep it next to my butt. I’m a married man! And what about when you and your bros are having a guy’s night out? If there’s a female face on the money, tucking it into a g-string might somehow feel demeaning to women.”

“Sure, right now there aren’t any portraits of women on our cash, but there are plenty of portraits of women in other important places – bathroom signs, mud-flaps, syrup bottles,” he concluded. “If women get on paper money, I demand a Mr. Butterworth!”

About the author

Igor Derysh is the Managing Editor of Latest. com and a syndicated columnist whose work has appeared in The Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, Boston Herald, Baltimore Sun, and Orlando Sun Sentinel, and AOL News. His work has been criticized in even more publications. Follow him on Twitter @IgorDerysh

  • Thom Lee

    Steve is just cool. Always gets his point across. Since it spends like 50 cents for a dollar now. With a lady it goes up in value by 27 cents.