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Ted Nugent Offers Up “Rules” for Dealing With Law Enforcement (Basically, “Just Submit”)

Why the artist behind “Cat Scratch Fever” and “Wango Tango*” has become a political commentator from whom we are supposed to take advice about politics both national and local. In a lengthy post on the conservative-dream toilet World Net Daily, Uncle Self-Sustainable offers up to us average Americans his tips for dealing with law enforcement offered from the useful perspective of someone who has been a rock star for 40 years.

Ted’s Rules:

Rule 1: Obey the law. Adherence to this simple rule will dramatically reduce the possibility of encounters with law enforcement.

Rule 2: Don’t hang out with law breakers. Tell me who you go with and I’ll tell you who/what you are.

Rule 3: If stopped by the law, keep your hands absolutely visible. The No. 1 priority of all law enforcement is to get home each night alive. This is a very good rule of engagement.

Rule 4: Obey their instructions and commands promptly without any sass or escalated vocal responses. Such escalation has proven to the a [sic] precurser [also, sic] to violence.

Rule 5: Remain calm and polite no matter what happens. If you are wrongfully accused or arrested, such behavior will go a long way in mitigating and usually terminating the endeavor.

It is always very interesting when those on the right, who so love their freedoms, suggest that the best way to deal with unwarranted attention from law enforcement is to wholly submit to them without protest. Unless, of course, you are a cattle rancher who wants to feed his stock for free on federal land, then by all means point weapons at law enforcement.

The rules are ridiculous and serve as further proof that those who suggest submission to police live by completely different rules than the rest of us. Nugent recounts two interactions with cops where these rules supposedly kept him alive. In the second, while lying prone on the ground with his handgun visible, was safely diffused by Rule 6: Be famous. He writes the altercation ended when “a couple of the officers took a closer look and identified me for who I am, and the tension de-escalated immediately.”

Still the most egregious statement is the third rule, which suggests that because police want “to get home each night alive” they are A) somehow different from everyone else in that respect and B) allowed to simply shoot first because they “feel” their life is threatened regardless of whether or not it actually is.

Yes, the police have a difficult job. Anyone who willingly signs up to risk one’s life in the service of others deserves respect, but does not deserve a mass suspension of our inherent rights in order to make their job easier or feel a little safer. Yet, those on the right who unquestioningly champion police, choose not to demand a higher standard from the police. Instead, they demand it from those they seemingly hate the most: the American people.

*Still, there’s no denying “Stranglehold” is a rock classic that had a trippy Mission: Impossible vibe long before the movie reboots gave us updated versions of the theme song.

About the author

Joshua M. Patton is a father, veteran, and writer living in Pittsburgh, PA. Along with news and current events, he writes about parenting, art, and personal stories. His serial fiction story "The Prophet Hustle" is available at JukePop.com and a forthcoming independent ebook about the cam-modeling industry "Dirty Little Windows" will be available later this summer.

  • Charles Robinson

    That’s interesting. Now share again your rules for dealing with the Selective Service.