Stephen Colbert Advocates Ownership Of Guns: Time To Get Rid Of Onerous Government Regulations
With Thanksgiving gone, Stephen Colbert reminds people that there is still time for the secular Christmas-haters to launch an attack on baby Jesus. In this year’s Blitzkrieg on Grinchitude, baby Jesus has a backup to counter the offensive. Colbert tells a recent account of a Christmas tree that saved the lives of one family.
A family reported two weeks ago that their house was hit by a bullet during a drive-by shooting. Things could have been much worse if the Christmas tree wasn’t where it was. It appears that the bullet went through the wall and hit the tree. The family said the couch would have been place near the window if they didn’t place the Christmas tree there.
Colbert called it an inspiring act of courage. He said, “The tree placed itself in the line of fire, and when the shooting began, the tree did not hesitate to not move.” Colbert continued, “If our Christmas trees are willing to show this type of bravery, let’s at least make it a fair fight.”
In support of gun ownership, Colbert proposes to offer guns to the Christmas trees as defense. “It’s time to get rid of the onerous government regulations preventing trees from having guns,” said Colbert. He continued, “Now inevitably, a tree here or there will go crazy and turn its ornaments on the family, but it’s not the gun’s fault.” Colbert added, “What we need to do is make sure trees get the mental health treatment that they desperately need.” He supported the proposal saying that no one would get hurt if they didn’t try to break into someone else house in the middle of the night.
(Video via Comedy Central)